am I falling out of love with this person?

I can tell when my wife doesn’t want to be around me and prefers the television sound over my voice.

I can tell when my wife doesn’t want to be around me and prefers the television sound over my voice. I have learned not to be offended, take the cut eyes, and kissing teeth with grace and humility.

Marriage. A celebration of two people becoming a single unit. An unbreakable bond. How does the sermon go: Until death do we part. That is a long time to be with one person.  Don’t get it twisted; the union of marriage is about finding limitless amounts of patience. Still, all the time marriages makes you to spend with the same person; that is tough. 

There is a misconception that married couples have to be together all the time. One day you will wake up and not want to spend the next 12 hours with your partner. The first time this happens, it feels like a moral dilemma. You start to question your commitment. Am I falling out of love with this person? Is there something wrong with me? God, remove this doubt from my body? 

Relax, you are fine, fam. 

We all need space from time to time. Marriage is a hard place to find space because of shared responsibilities, aligned schedules, and the obvious reality of sharing a house (that’s a big one!).

A more experienced married woman said that sometimes she wished her husband lived in a separate house for a few days. Being a newlywed, I thought this idea was ridiculous, but now I understand what she called giving us an opportunity to miss each other.  

Do you remember those days when you whispered promises of never letting go when you finally get the chance to hold onto your partner, for the entire night, in your marital home, without interruption? Then it happened, and you realised there is only so much quilt to go around, and someone lying on your arm for an entire night gets very uncomfortable. Unless you travel for a few days, you don’t necessarily come back home to sweet embraces and neck kisses each day.

It’s not wrong to spend time alone. I enjoy the solitude of opening a novel at night then leaving my family behind to travel the worlds of creative fiction. My wife doesn’t hate me because she wants to watch Real Housewives without my commentary on the state of society and relationship standards. It’s normal. We aren’t falling out of love with our spouses or in need of an intervention. We all need time alone. 

A large part of the emotional intensity in early relationships comes from separation. The hours spent staring at the ceiling at night, waiting for a phone call or message. That romantic when can I see you again shit. The sweet anxiety of barely catching the last train so you could spend more time together. 

Alone time, me time, solitude, or whatever you want to call is vital to a healthy relationship with your partner and yourself. Take the time you need without feeling guilt, rediscover yourself and encourage your spouse to do the same. Allow yourself to miss each other again.