the proposal vs the wedding.
Husband Vs Groom.
Take a deep breath.
Go.
Down on one knee. Is this the right knee? I think so. Should I ask her? No, she’s already in the moment. Too late now. Stay Focused.
Where’s the ring? It’s still my pocket. Ok. Open the box.
Don’t drop it.
I think she’s gonna cry. Hold it towards her now. Yeah, she defo gonna cry.
Do I need to give a speech? I didn’t prep anything. Just keep it simple fam. Like they do it on Tv.
Ok ok simple.
“Erm Lin…Ba…Will you you marry me?”
She’s crying…a lot.
So should I put it on her finger?
Obviously. She is not posing it for exercise.
Slide it on.
It’s on.
Wow. Wow. Wow. I’m getting married. Crazy.
The proposal is done.
I don’t remember hearing her say yes.
As a law student, I called it offer and acceptance. Sealing the deal. I used to think that the proposal was mission accomplished, when in fact, it was a mission accepted.
Venues, attire, family politics — which parents are sitting were, traditional colours, Kente or Ankara? — religious considerations. Guest Lists. Friends, that includes ex-friends & new friends. Then expenses, sorry, I mean EXPENSES. No one told me preparing for a wedding was more demanding than getting into university, passing your drivers test and buying a house combined.
Who teaches you about the process? The proposal was the pinnacle of my understanding. Like a kid asking their parents, "Where do babies come from?" assuming your mother's belly just magically appeared swollen one day, and a stork delivered your siblings.
I went into my proposal like Cinderella; a wedding was nowhere on my mind. Did I think my fairy Godmother would deliver my suit on the morning of the occasion? That the tables would magically dance and arrange themselves like Lumière and Ms Potts in Beauty and the Beast. The photos would take themselves, and the music would play free of charge. Finally, when the bride and groom were ready, automated invites and venues transformed to accommodate friends, colleagues and anyone you had ever met.
I was less prepared to be a groom than I was to be a husband, more prepared for marriage than I was for the wedding.
Where was my blueprint? Growing up, I spent very little time imagining what I would wear on my wedding day, admiring ring designs or taking notes at other people's weddings. My only reference points were romantic tv proposals, where just before the couple connect lips, the director yells cut, and the scene is spliced with one of the bride and groom completing the kiss at the altar, a few scenes before the credits roll.
After I proposed, I assumed it was back to business; my wife knew that we were immediately supposed to start planning the wedding. The clock had started ticking. Technically, it’s a one-year proposal and rest of the time — two years for us — planning.
Just to be clear, there is a difference between ignorance and manipulation. Some people do use an engagement to hold a partner hostage. A friend of mine broke up with a guy who proposed but had no intention of the wedding happening anywhere in the foreseeable future.
This is a warning to my guys, saving up to pop the question.
Be prepared for a few months of stress, fights — since posting my engagement story, I have learned I was not the only groom with an engagement ring dashed me — and constant pressure.
It will be worth it.
There are certain things you will not be prepared for. The emotions. The electricity. That feeling of accomplishment, looking at your partner and realising that you made it. You survived all the obstacles that were thrown at you along the way, like a Mario Kart Grand Prix, and found the finish line. Tears will be everywhere; parents will cry. Friends you have not seen in years will cry. I cried multiple times, my wife cried. It's not easy, but the wedding shit is lit. No cap will go by super super fast, but it will be one of the best days of your life. The photos will always trigger you, and the memories will make you smile — I'm smiling now — many years later.
